I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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