It's like a parade of train wrecks.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
