Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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