The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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