i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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