Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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