i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
