So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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