Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
