Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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