i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
