I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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