So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
