Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
