i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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