Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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