D3 body, D1 cock
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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