naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
