he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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