There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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