State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
