please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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