I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
