those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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