Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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