hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
