I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Randomize
