he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I don't think brook has ever known best
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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