She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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