Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
