so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
