Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
