I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
