I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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