I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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