MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
