come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
