Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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