I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
