I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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