Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
40s are totally the cure
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
