I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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