He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
