the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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