i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
