She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
