I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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