I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
