Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
