The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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